You’ve Got Mail

As the junior and seniors of UW-Madison all know, Tuesday evening was a time to get the homework done before the weekend, to go to bars because we are able to go to bars (whether we were of legal age or not), and to procrastinate to the deepest levels of online TV vices. But little did we know, we would not sit in our rooms typical Tuesday night or listen to the kind of music she doesn’t like… we would experience something far grander than that. We would were about to experience a moment of – dare I say it –epic proportions.

The single email heard ‘round the campus: a “Day in the Field” career development event in Brookfield, WI. The L&S Career Services department wanted to reach out to the junior and senior class for professional career advising and opportunities, but the outcome did not match their intended goals. They had not anticipated such an overwhelming response. They had not expected what has been termed by Aliya Iftikhar from the Badger Herald as “The Great L&S Email Storm of 2015”.

 

THIS IS WHERE THE STORY BEGINS

Some people took this as an opportunity to inform us of their lives…

Lost

speechless

Yep… TMI

 

But then there was a whole other side of email responses that fell into cliché categorization of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Below is a list of emails sent out from my compatriots to community of UW classmates followed by a (hopefully) quick-witted response from yours truly. I was merely trying to let my fellow upperclassmen know that their voice was heard. It was not lost in a sea of endless emails, fighting against the flood of emails to reach the surface and be seen by the master of this list. I saw your emails. And it was me that responded so AWESOMELY to your pleas for unsubscription!

 

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 Following in the footsteps of my favorite actor, JGL, I was looking for a little more specificity from him.

 

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#outtrolled

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And this is all I learned from introductory philosophy -_-

 

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Weird… I didn’t receive a single email from him #allbarknobite

 

I might have thought that I was doing the greater campus community a service, but in reality I was just doing this:

trooolll

And now the real Kai comes out!

 

But the so-called trollin’ came at a price…

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The real problem would have been if I DIDN’T get reported. Then I wouldn’t have been doing my job right #therealMVP

 

But then it gets better.

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A personal shout out! I must be doing something right : D

 

But then my knight in shining armor responded to the malicious barrage of (partly deserved) online criticism.

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Mission accomplished. I made someone’s day!

 

Initially I was shocked that someone had taken the time to personally call me out for my seemingly sadistic antics. I was just trying to have some fun and make the college experience a bit more enjoyable for everyone that was on the list server. We couldn’t stop the emails, so I wanted to try to make people laugh from the content of the emails.

But I learned that it did not matter. I enjoyed perpetuating the email flood and stirring the proverbial pot. My frustrations faded into a flurry of wpm on my keyboard as I continued to do what I did best: troll. So if you ever get frustrated or angry, just take a deep breath and do this:

letitgo

 

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The Incomprehensive List of Freshman Taboos: A List of Don’ts

This is the second half of my list. These are recommendations to remind you of all the opportunities available in your first year of college. Of course, these are all merely suggestions. Take as much or as little of my words as you like *bows respectfully*

Take your freshman year by storm. Fly my pretties! Fly!!!

Don’t Be Afraid to Talk to Your Professors

They might be 30 years older than you but they are still people… mostly. Although they operate on a higher brain wave function and possess motivation levels that rival programmed robots, they do have emotions and – believe it or not – were in your shoes at one point in time. Professors want to help. So let them! They can’t help you if you don’t let them know. Whether you’re sailing smooth waters or weathering the storm, you should stop by. Only good things can happen.

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Some things are not always as they seem… #snapeadoodle

Don’t Stay In Your Room All the Time

For those of you that do not have legitimate medical reasons or severe anxiety issues, then a little sunlight never hurt (NOTE: Vampires should not take this advice to… heart? Do they have hearts???). Not to mention that you will miss out on all the free swag, chill people, and good times that are happening all around you. Besides… how much Netflix can one watch?

Don’t Procrastinate… An Unhealthy Amount

Some procrastination is necessary. When you’re working for 10 hours straight on that paper due tomorrow morning at 7am, frustration levels are likely over 9000 so you should take a break – or maybe a 20 min nap – to refresh your thoughts. But don’t let that “break” become more than just a break. Procrastination is a college student’s public enemy #1. Don’t let it become yours. Vanquish this beast with the power of internal motivation and an indomitable spirit (full MP cost, Cooldown: 1 week)!

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Does anyone else feel this way?!?

Don’t Forget Your Roots

Let’s start things off with a quote from one of my favorite animated series:

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“No matter how things may seem to change, never forget where you came from.” – Zuko’s Mother, Ursa

It took time for our main character to come to terms with his past, but that is exactly what he needed to do in order to survive the onslaught of corrupt Earth Nation soldiers. Granted, none of you will face this exact situation, but we all have faced that internal existential crisis at some point in our lives. We pleadingly cast our sorrows into the sky longingly hoping for a response as we shout like a Dragonborn being into the air, “Who am I?!?”. You are a product of your family and friends and the experiences that you have developed with them. They will be greatest allies in your darkest hours. Never forget that. At the end of the day, Zuko knew what was up. It’s all about HONOR! HONOR! HONNNNOOOORRRRR!!! Bring honor to your family. Bring honor to yourself. But most importantly, bring honor to your cow.

Don’t Stress Over “Major” Decisions

The stereotypical first-year student question that plagues the minds of unsuspecting freshman and torments their souls for the rest of their years in college: What is your major? Just kidding. It’s not that dramatic. Not quite. Picking a major is the least of your concerns. There are so many possibilities that lie ahead of you that you’ll find that this is irrelevant. Find a love interest! Apply for that dream job! Meet the band that you drool over! Just follow your interests, find your passions, and make your dreams come true. The major will come along the way. Don’t be a stereotype!

The Incomprehensive List of Freshman Taboos: A List of Do’s

I was tasked to come up with a presentation for the incoming freshman to prepare them for the year they are about to experience at the University of Wisconsin – Madison. What began as merely a discussion with the new students about life as a college student became an opportunity to reflect on everything that has happened to me since I have been in college. This is one half of a list that I have compiled detailing advice to heed for the fresh kids on the block. Enjoy!

Do Explore the Campus and the City

UW-Madison is much more than just a campus. The city of Madison has a vibrant population of free thinkers, humanitarians, and life-long learners to match the attendants of the university. Find your favorite coffee shop. Take a walk in the arboretum. Visit the free local zoo (did I mention that it’s free?) And discover the hidden history of the city – most notably the tunnel system! Adventure awaits you! You just have to go out there and find it.

Clearly Russell is a Badger! Follow in his footsteps and explore (or follow him and eat his trail chocolate)!

All rights to this video are owned by © Copyright Disney

Do Ask For Help When You Need It

College is an adjustment period. Everyone is transitioning past the awkward stage of pubescent hormone misbehaviors and into a semi-realistic introduction into the inner workings of the “real world”. The shenanigans do not stop. There will be times where you get yourself into trouble. You bomb a test. The love of your life dumps you. A family member passes away. Emotions run high in life the same as they always have but college intensifies those feelings. Whatever issue you encounter, do not be afraid to ask your friends or family for a little guidance. And the campus community provides a long list of people – from residential to medical – that are dedicated to helping you navigate your way here. Everyone feels these hard times. And we need to help each other get through them.

Do Be Present for Class

Being present for class means more than just showing up. Although showing up – on time I might add – is a good place to start. When you are in class you put away the phone, stay away from internet black holes (Facebook, Twitters, all dat other good nothin’ web space), and zip your lip and your friend’s lips as well. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Especially the professor. You are a student at a university. You pay to be here. So pay attention and your work will pay off. And if you are feeling like an overachiever, let some of those behaviors continue past the classroom. It can’t hurt, right?

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The picture says it all… Don’t do that!

Do Join A Club

It is tremendously easier to make friends if you have intersecting interests and joining a club will help you find people that share those commonalities with you. You might think that you are the only one harboring a guilty pleasure behind closed doors, but chances are – and the chances are high with an undergraduate pool of 29,000+ Badgers – that you aren’t the only one hiding that dirty little secret. So step out of the shadows and into the light with your freakish obsessions. Be loud and proud weirdos together!

Do Be Yourself

You could be downing doughnuts or other sugary sweets, busting some embarrassing moves to your favorite songs, geeking out over your favorite childhood cartoon or even if you see that she’s wearing short skirts and you’re wearing t-shirts, there’s one thing you should always do: Be Yourself. People appreciate the authenticity. And you will too when you find the group of people that accept you for all your weirdness.

Let’s get weird!
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Because it’s Batman